Bloody Hell

Bloody Hell

That’s how I feel today. Up all night tending to the bloody visitor…lol. I wasn’t happy when I woke up with a pain in my neck that scattered down my back as the day progressed.

I worked most of yesterday and didn’t get it all done, mostly cause London was a bit over the top for hustle & bustle. I hunched over my too small table with my neck down a few hours. Aside from physical fatigue, my mind is processing on so many levels, I am feeling overly emotional for the first time since I‘ve been here.

It started on the train back from London, when I met a sweet girl who was having a baby in a few weeks. She told me her mom had been sick with cancer and died two years ago. My heart pounded, my eyes swelled, and I told her about Steven and we talked. We talked about all the stuff, her life & family, pregnancy, child birth, breast feeding, hormone issues, even libido. She had some concerns and questions, and asked me if it was going to get better as it concerns her mom.

I got to be there for her for just a moment and it was satisfying to both of us. I felt bad as I didn’t even get her name, nor her mine. It was a lot of French and English and it was a lot of conversation in a short amount of time. It was almost midnight when we got back and we all scurried in different directions.

When I walked home, all I could remember was that she was sad and missed her momma, and wanted to know if it would get better this year. I reassured her that yes, this next year will be better. She loves thinking of her mom but is tired of being sad. That is exactly how I felt. Year 3, I was tired of being sad. This whole year has been amazingly better and since in Paris, excitedly distracted, there is no sad.

Mussee Picasso is on the fringe of the Jewish area and thought my deli would cheer me up, hhmm.comfort food.…. The guy that took care of me is English, first one I have met in Paris, odd coincidence, and he chatted me through lunch. I stopped at all the Jewish bakeries but did not succumb today.

I had been to Picasso before when I was here 3 years ago, but didn’t take pictures and really couldn’t remember much. I looked in the book and it said pictures w/o flash were allowed but apparently that was not the case and I was reproached. Also stopped at 17th Century Musee Carnavalet.

Walked a long way towards home looking for a store I had been before but never found again. Stopped for a diet coke and a break on my back and decided to go home. Couldn’t find my way across the Seine, lost my bearings completely and thought I might cry as I criss-crossed the Bastille part of the city. Finally got on a metro and went home.

Happened to be perfect timing, as Catherine dropped by about 5 minutes after I got home. I had to pack up yesterday as Catherine came to clean the bedroom as she has someone coming after I leave and she is on her way to a conference. I am not using the bedroom other than as a closet full of clothes, suitcases, bags, everything piling up. The doc gave me pills of different sorts, rubbed my neck a little and tried to help keep me happy. She encouraged me to continue my adventures after my rest and do not be discouraged as she thinks it will rain until I leave. The rain brings me down. It makes it not happy to walk.

Lisa and Patrick are gone. Jillie got a gig in the country and is on her way. Guy is busy with teaching and protecting Paris. I have a couple opportunities, although tempting, are not my choice for direction at this time. My plan for tomorrow night fell through not to mention the cancellation on my part for tonight.

A Bear said it best,

You've been saddled to a cyclone in a whirlwind for over five weeks...goin', seein', doin'....everything you could possibly do or want to do. non-stop. happy, laughing, smiling... new friends, new adventures, new...everything. non-stop. for over ... five weeks…any wonder there's a little 'overwhelmed at it all' hittin' you now? don't think so. think it's just the natural rhythm of it all.

I know this is natural and I have been going pretty high for quite some time, happier for the longest time in a long time. I know I am leaving soon and it’s all so strange. People have lives and everyone can’t spend all their time playing with me…wwhhaaa.

Setting that all aside, I miss my comforts {tired of this futon), I need to work and it is frustrating from here, miss my girl and my life. Today, on my low, is the day to beat myself up for eating too much, spending too much, staying too long and not working enough.

I love Paris and had the adventure of a lifetime. I still have a few days and have lost some steam. The rain doesn’t motivate me like the sunshine but tomorrow will be a new day. I had a plan for Versailles but with the weather and lack of energy, not sure about that one. Wish I had someone to lean on, to figure it out, look it up and make a plan, find out where it is and which metro to take and can help find a bathroom when I need one. I am worn out and off my game.

I will say again. This is everything and more than I ever imagined but it is not for the faint of heart. Going it alone is a tedious task. Any ideas for the next few days are welcome. Tomorrow is a new day.

Enjoy Picasso, the pictures almost got me thrown in the brink.

Shout out and love to my mom who has spent today getting one new bionic knee.